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California

I am a fighting father in California. How many Californian fathers do you know that actually won the custody battle and how? Aside from visitation denials, interferences with my relationship with my boys, NO discipline, and bad school grades along with lots of missing assignments, etc…

is there something I am missing for a change of custody? Or is it mere;y, a “flip of the coin”? thanks…




I have been divorced for a while

I have been divorced for a while my 14 year old
is now using her mothers new married last name
how can I legally stop this?

You can go to court and ask that the judge order to to use your last name, but you may be running up a legal bill for nothing. Simply talk to the girl and tell her that doing this will cause some major problems when she decides to go to college or get married. Growing up, I was using my step-father’s last name, even though he had never adopted me. My father never objected to it, but than he was also not paying any child support.

I rarely saw him, though I spent a great deal of time at the homes of my paternal grandmother and uncle. My uncle was more a father to me than my father was.

When I turned 18, I got married. Sent out the invites, did all the usual stuff for getting married. Than, a week before the wedding, we went to get the marriage license. Surprise, it could not be in the name that I had been using for 15 years.

Than there was trying to get a student loan. My school records were in a different last name than was on my birth certificate. There was also tax problems. Unless she wants her step-father to adopt her, she is looking at a pack of trouble using his last name. I’m now 44. I recently applied for a loan to take a course on web design.

I’m again stuck explaining why my school records are in a different name.




Sounds like you got it covered

Sounds like you got it covered… that’s one of the gripes I have about child support paid is the accountability of the custodial parent and how the support is used.

It’s all a matter of record as far as I’m concerned. If she doesn’t have or provide the receipts … it sounds like embezzling child support funds to me.

Good luck and I hope your barrister wins this one for you! Keep in touch.




My divorce was originated in VA

My divorce was originated in VA. My “EX” originally agreed to this, and so did the VA. Courts. Now the laws have changed; I cannot recover that money as originally setup for child support.

Believe me, I am fighting it. My Attorney has assured me that he can get the money out of the bank and applied to child support pursuant to the new laws.

My “EX” has made one mistake regarding this money. She has withdrawn monies and has NO RECEIPTS. That is a violation of the original agreement. I’ll keep you informed…




Please help!

We were to meet my husbands ex-wife tonight at 5pm to drop off my step daughter. (They live 3 hours from us and the courts have demanded they meet half way “a fair and equitable amount of time”)

We waited there until 5:30pm and then called her. She forgot to meet us and thought we would have called earlier. She was out of town and would be another hour but we could just drive “her” daughter all the way home or wait for her. My husband hung up on her after telling her that he wasn’t waiting another hour for her.

We drove her all the way home and no one was there. We tried to find a police dept. to file a report (but didn’t no if that would be the right thing to do). After waiting around for another 45 min. we called her cell phone again and she was still another 15 min. worth out of town and that she’d have a friend pick up their daughter at the gas station.

Her friend did come right away. Should we have brought the cops in to this? What should we do in future episodes? (this isn’t the first) Should we have just gone back home and tried again tomorrow? (However, she left a message for us saying that if we didn’t have her home by tomorrow at 5pm to her house she’d call the police)

The court papers say 3pm Friday to 5pm Sunday.

We try to follow the hours that she designated but she never does. If she has something to do, she doesn’t hesitate to call and tell us that we need to meet her now. Most of the time we end up letting her leave by 3pm to avoid fighting at all costs!

Sorry this is so lengthy! Please help!

Thanks




I love that article

I love that article, especially the last line!!

“While the Commonwealth places great importance on biological ties, it does not do so to the extent that the biological parent’s right to “custody will trump the best interests of the child,” the high court ruled.

If the court decides in the best interest of the child, why are most children not with the parent making the support? making over 50% of their income? I say it like that because the law are only interested in money, except in this case.

I dont get the law/government they say one thing and mean another.




–°hild support payment systems in various states

Hello, and Merry Christmas!

I’m new to this club and I’m screening all the past messages to research child support payment systems and payday lending in various states, especially payday loans in Florida. After reading yours … I’m concerned because you’re depositing monies into an account that has no representation with your state’s child support system. In Indiana, they would consider what you’re doing not as a trust fund, but a “gift” account which is not recognizable or accountable as far as ISL is concerned.

(ISL=Indiana State Law) You should of made those payments to the your state or county child support office either in person or garnished from your check in order to for you to keep track of every dollar you send in payment of child support. Your ex-wife is no different than mine … I “donated” $2000.00 to her to help her buy a car for said transport of children. I couldn’t apply that amount to the child support as advance payment. The Courts consider that action as a “gift” which cannot be applied as part of support payments. I found out the hard way. In your situation, it sounds like your in arrears …

I would contact your attorney and submit your receipts, the name of the bank, the company where you took cash advance, etc. and find out what your options are. I’m surprised that your attorney didn’t explain the full definition of child support in terms of what you can and can’t do or shouldn’t do. See your attorney ASAP. My ex pulled a number during our divorce proceedings wanting half of my children’s college trust fund, but it wasn’t a fund at all. It was a high interest earning life insurance policy I had in “my Name.”

She was trying to claim 50% of the proceeds, but I released a full disclosure of my assets and liabilities to the Courts and they told her that since the policy was purchased before we were married in addition, it wasn’t a joint account … she had not entitlement whatsoever. Just the same I had to cash it all out to pay for her lawyer’s fees, the mediators and was used for interim support of the children.

So much for my kids chances to go to college. My advice … be careful with what you do while dealing with your ex-wife. Don’t let her emotions sway you one way or another. You trusted her with this trust account, but she’s not helping you justify your accountability in the Courts and in your defense. Like my ex … it’s all a matter of money! See your attorney and good luck!




I am glad they are being found

Now when are the laws going to change and not be so cold-hearted to those of us who pay to the best of our ability. The only states, ‘take the license’,’take property’,’jail’. No matter if you are paying or not.

When are the laws going to wake up and realize non custodial parents are people too??




We are so happy for you!!

houndWish we had a judge and lawyer that were as wonderful as yours! I can’t complain because we just got my step daughter for 120 days a/year. I was at 54 days a/year until October. It took us 9 months just to fight for more visitation.

Even though my step daughters mother has 3 children (all from different husbands and is only 26) and 2 hounds – they have told us that they try to not split the children up since they are the most stable things in each others lives.

Her dad and I have been together for the past 3 years and have watched different men come and go but haven’t been able to do anything.

When we tried going to court 2 years ago, she said that she was moving and they went round and round about that. Now she just had her 3rd baby and wants more CS. Looks like we’ll be going back to court since in the state of AZ, a custodial parent can deduct for children from their income, even if they collect cs for them from other men.

It’s way sad. Sorry so long




The question I have is

…why is the hearing in Houston and do you have custody of your boys? Do you have dogs?

If they are with you then I cant see a judge awarding here anything.

Just goes to show how bias the court system is toward mothers. Keep me advised….




She sent me more paperwork

Well, after I contacted her attorney, she sent me more paperwork. It all makes sense to me now. After not getting any child support from her the past 4 years, I got some help from the State of New York. They took her to court and her attorney looked at the original divorce decree. She is stating that my ex-wife was never served (she was served by me..I know now what a mistake that was, but I was young and didn’t know any better) and that the judge had left a few blanks on the decree concerning the child support. However, he did sign the worksheet that the child support was figured out on making that the order.

But this is the kicker. My ex wife is asking for Joint Managing Conservatorship. I don’t believe that she should be granted this because over the past 5 years that we have lived apart, she has shown hardly no interest in seeing the boys much less deciding what kind of school they go to or what kind of medical treatment they get. The hearing is in Houston, TX and since I live in NY, it will be nearly impossible for me to make the court date on February 14th.

Any suggestions on what I can do from here to prevent her from getting what she is asking?




Thanks for the invitation

I’m new here and I’m sure this has been the highlight of many a discussion … what I’d like to hear from the club members is your viewpoints regarding the process or method of how child support is being handled by the Court System. After breezing through some of the posted messages, I too fear of more US Gov’t intervention and interference … again, against the fathers! I feel there should be changes in the process, the determination and evaluation based on income of both parties concerned, especially when the other party finally remarries. Also, procedures on accountability of the Custodial Parent who has the children and receives the support.

Like most of us … I’m sure you go by sheer faith, but me personally … it’s to a point. Overall, I don’t trust my ex-wife. I would like to see a study on how support is calculated from state to state … is it a standard formula or is there a certain degree of variance. In the State of Indiana, it goes by income. He (or she) who makes more, pays more … I disagree with those terms and conditions, especially when I got stuck with the marital debt in addition … due to her inability to pay. Also, when she remarries, I can’t exercise the option she can when my wife decides to work … and that’s taking a certain percentage of her pay because she is married to me. So feed me some information to ponder over and research. Half the battle in order to be well informed is research. The other judicial farce is the use of mediation … it didn’t help me one bit, other than paying for it after it was all said and done. I get the impression that (some, if not … most) attorneys take the side of the birthright mother. No one realizes that it takes two … regardless. Again, folks … throw some concepts at me.

I would like to hear your viewpoints and catch up with the subject at hand … and that is the unfair shake we as fathers get for just trying to be a father! In my case, it’s bad enough that my ex-wife moved the kids away from me without my permission or the Courts. She maybe in contempt of her papers, but her attorney files the good old “Intent to Relocate” after she relocated … now it’s a matter of negotiation or renegotiation. For me, it just means I have to pay more in the end. I’ll be looking forward to any response, Thanx!




Private Investigators

I’m considering taking my ex to court over our custody arrangement and wanted to know if anyone has had any experience using a private investigator.

Any info, such as pricing, the type, quality, and quantity of evidence obtained, equipment used, or tips on hiring one, would be greatly appreciated. Also, if there are any private investigators in the club, I would be interested in talking.




Several law enforcement officers

Several law enforcement officers are currently our members, and we would like to kindly ask them to state their department’s POLICY regarding CIVIL STAND-BY when there are child custody disputes.

Compliance with child custody orders is as important as compliance with support orders, and so is knowledge regarding the means of enforcement.

What are your mandated PROCEDURES when either the sheriff’s office or the city police accompanies a parent on a civil stand-by to keep the peace while a parent recovers a child who has been unlawfully detained?

What sort of reports are generated?

And how are such reports cross-referenced with the records at Family Court? (If not, it should be in this age of Oracle databases…)

Under what circumstances does the District Attorney get involved in the event of child custody violations? (Of course, they routinely file to collect late support payments.)

If you have any practical tips to share with fellow DADS, please kindly do so.

Thanks for keeping the peace.




That’s great news

I’m glad to see that things are working out for you. If your court system works like it does for me here(Oklahoma) you’ll have the same judge for your custody hearing, that would make it even better for you because the judge already knows the history of the mother.

Keep your daily journal of events so when you go for your full custody you will have more ammunition to use against the mother i.e the boyfriend, any job changes, and any violation of the court order that she does. Congratulations again on your victory.

Brian